Bush to Deploy Cheney to Patrol Mexican Border

WASHINGTON DC- After his nationally televised immigration proposal met with widespread skepticism, President Bush has decided to change course. Rather than use the National Guard to patrol the US-Mexico border as he proposed on Monday, the President now plans to deploy Vice President Cheney to the guard the southern border.

According to sources, the new plan was revealed to senior Republican lawmakers last night.

"Apparently, it will just be the Vice President and his Secret Service detail, driving around in a Hummer with a bunch of shotguns and a cooler," said a source familiar with the plan.


Cheney: Armed

"This is a bold initiative by the President, and it addresses multiple issues," said conservative pundit Lamont Bunch.

"It acknowledges that the National Guard can't do the job, it offers a cost effective alternative," said Bunch.

Backers also say the plan will provide a highly credible deterrent to illegal immigrants.

"Mexicans planning to cross the border will probably think twice knowing that the Vice President is out there, locked and loaded," said Bunch.

"I love this plan, like I love all things President Bush does. I love this administration more than I love my own family."