Casey Thinks Nomination Hearings Going "Extremely Well"

WASHINGTON DC - General George Casey, the US Army General overseeing all multinational troops in Iraq (except the Iranian ones), came under withering criticism during his hearing today to be confirmed as the new Army Chief of Staff.

"General, you have presided over one of the worst military debacles in our nation's history, you have steadfastly remained in denial about the dire state of affairs in Iraq," said Senator Harris Krumpacker. "Can we expect you to continue on in this manner if you are confirmed as Chief of Staff?"

"First of all, thank you for those kind words, Senator," responded Casey. "I am proud of my accomplishments in Iraq, and I will bring to my new role the same unshakable conviction that I will be successful."

"General, I'm not sure you heard the Senator," said Senator Homer Tipton. "What he said is: you were doing an absolutely shitty job. You could screw up a 2 car funeral. You suck! Do you understand? Will you suck as badly at your new job as you did in the old one?"

"Again, Senator, I appreciate this vote of confidence, and if confirmed, I believe you can expect more of the same from me."

Casey was subjected to more sharp criticism prior to taking a midday recess. Asked during the recess how the hearings were going, Casey replied, "Extremely smoothly. Not 'Operation Iraqi Freedom' smoothly, but I'm very confident."