God Is Dead Tired

NEW YORK - In a rare television interview, God Almighty came out of hiding to reveal that He is not dead but admitted that He is, in fact, "like totally exhausted".

"In these times of natural disaster, disease and war, I hear people around the globe increasingly questioning My existence," God explained.

"Despite what Friedrich Nietzsche might have claimed, rumors of My death are greatly exaggerated," the Heavenly Father chuckled, quoting Mark Twain on NBC's Today.

"I have recently been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, however, and have found it very difficult to keep up My usual pace," He confessed to a teary-eyed Katie Couric.

"God is a classic CFS case," explained Today medical expert Dr. Janet Rubens. "He's a typical Type-A personality, working day-in and day-out. He's been running the universe for eons and only took that one day off way back in the first week. Under that kind of stress, even the most omnipotent of us are going to start slipping up."

"Running a universe is hard work," God admitted. "Sure, Mrs. God convinces My Son to help out every once in a while, but I'm pretty much on My own."

When pressed why He didn't choose to share His affliction with the world sooner, the Creator countered, "I sent you signs -- visions of the Virgin Mary power napping, the yawning bush. Those weren't just the illusions of some street corner crackpot."

Although He does not plan on retiring anytime soon, God did say He hopes to maybe get away for a weekend in the next century or two.

"It might be nice to go to Vegas or something," He sighed. "I imagine I could do pretty well at the craps table."

God ended the interview with a blessing of peace to all His creatures, followed by a tongue-in-cheek teaming with Al Roker to give the weather report for March 16, 2015.