Milosevic Opts For Preemptive Death Penalty Defense

THE HAGUE - In what many law experts are calling a masterstroke, former Yugoslav leader Slobodan Milosevic shocked a UN tribunal by changing his plea from "not guilty" to "not breathing" over the weekend.

Milosevic, 64, who was being held in the Netherlands for war crimes, was found entering his plea in bed early Saturday morning. The move was a severe departure from the "paprika defense" Milosevic had been preparing up to that point.

"The decision caught us all a bit off-guard," claimed defense spokesperson Lawrence Creighton in an official statement. "Not since Hitler have we seen such a gutsy legal challenge."

Creighton was referring to Adolph Hitler's 1945 plea that he had shot himself in the head with too many bullets to be fit for trial.

Speculation into the cause of Milosevic's plea has already begun. Steven Kay, a British lawyer assisting in the defense, said he severely doubted Milosevic had chosen a suicide tactic. "Only a blood-thirsty, power-crazed madman would do such a thing," he explained.

"Sure, he had a history of suicide in his family -- both his parents -- but as far as he was concerned, his attitude to me was quite the opposite," Kay clarified, failing to also mention the family's apparent history of genocide.

Carla Del Ponte, the tribunal's chief prosecutor, said Milosevic's plea was "regrettable for all the witnesses, for all the survivors, for all the victims that are expecting justice but, on the upside, will save us all a hell of a lot of time and money."

Milosevic, who earned the nickname "The Butcher of the Balkans" from his job cutting meat prior to pursuing a career as a ruthless despot, became synonymous with a decade of ethnic hatred and bloodshed in the former Yugoslavia.

Plans are underway to return his body to Belgrade for the traditional hanging from a lamp post.