Iran Provokes Confrontation with US in Gulf of Tonkin

WASHINGTON DC – In an early morning press conference, Vice Presidential Press Secretary Goldie Swanson disclosed that a confrontation had taken place between Iranian and US warships in the Gulf of Tonkin.

“The Iranian – or, ‘Evil’ – warship deliberately and repeatedly confronted the American cruiser, until the American cruiser had no choice but to resort to the use of force. Kind of like Alan Ladd’s character in ‘Shane.’”

When asked why Iran would have a ship in the Tonkin Gulf, several thousand miles away off the coast of Vietnam, Swanson replied, “we don’t know, but they did. It is what it is. The evil ship attacked the good ship, and the good ship, which doesn’t like to use force, had to use force. Kind of like the Incredible Hulk.”

“Isn’t the Gulf of Tonkin where we provoked the first conflict in the Vietnam war?” asked one reporter. (Seriously, only one.)

“Yeah,” said Swanson. “Weird coincidence, huh?”

Swanson then added that the Administration would send an e-mail to congress “probably in the next few days” just to remind them that the Administration didn’t need Congress's permission to do anything, anywhere, ever.