In a Desperate Plea for Attention, Meg Ryan Adopts Daughter from China

HOLLYWOOD-- In a desperate plea for attention, Meg Ryan announced that she has adopted a baby girl from China.

"Meg just returned from China with her new daughter," said publicist Terri Kimball. "She hopes that, even though she's an A-list Hollywood celebrity, the press will honor her privacy."

"As a leading lady who is still clearly in the prime of her career, Meg's just glad she was able to find time between projects to adopt and raise a daughter," Kimball added.

Ryan is said to be overjoyed, but unable to show it since she no longer has the use of her facial muscles.


Ryan: "I hab' a dew baby dat cabe frub Chida."

Ryan's announcement was "in no way a cry for attention or help," said Kimball.

"She is not at all jealous of the way other actresses get tons of attention just for adopting babies from other countries."

Kimball did add, however, that the actress is changing her name to "Megelina JoRyan."

Angelina Jolie Pregnant with Extremely Sexy Baby

Angelina Jolie is pregnant with an extremely sexy child fathered by Brad Pitt, according to her publicist. The announcement finally confirms a romance that has become one of Hollywood's most talked-about open secrets.

Pitt was named People magazine's "Sexiest Man" in 1994 and 2000. Jolie was named Esquire magazine's "Sexiest Woman" in 2004. InStyle magazine has already named Brad and Angelina's joint effort 2006's "Sexiest Implanted Blastocyst."

Dr. Warren Krieger, a plastic surgeon at Cedars Mount Sinai hospital, speculates that the child of two people as sexy as Brad and Angelina may in fact be too sexy.

"The child may be so flawless and sexy that he or she cannot be stared at directly without proper eye protection," says Dr. Krieger.

Pitt has also filed to become the adoptive father of Jolie's other children Maddox, 4, whom she adopted from Cambodia, and Zahara, whom she adopted from Ethiopia last July.

Although the baby's biological parents will be Jolie and Pitt, the couple has told friends they plan to raise the child "just as if it were adopted from some third world country."


Brangelina, along with son Maddox, 4.

Alito Disavows Earlier Conservative Statements: "I Just Said That to Get a Job"

WASHINGTON DC-- As hearings on the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Samuel Alito continued into a second day, Democratic Senators grilled the nominee over his previous controversial remarks. Alito distanced himself from many of his earlier statements, saying that he only took those positions "in order to get a job" in the Reagan administration.

Senator Edward M. Kennedy (D- Massachusetts) confronted Alito about many of the starkly conservative statements he made previously.


Supreme Court nominee Samuel "Sammy the Bull" Alito

Kennedy quoted Alito as having written that "it seems as though nowadays, women and minorities don't know their rightful place in society. They're showing up in the military, in the corporate world, even at my alma mater, Princeton University."

Alito responded by saying "Oh, those were the kinds of things you had to say to get a job in the Reagan administration. Besides, that was 20 years ago."

"You also said, Judge Alito," Kennedy continued, "and I quote: 'I'm not just saying that, either. If I deny it in 20 years, I'll probably be lying.'"

"I was just trying to burnish my credentials, Senator," responded Alito.

Senator Joseph Biden (D-Delaware) spoke for 8 minutes, and then said, "I forgot what I wanted to ask you. Anyway, don't be too conservative, okay, Sam?"

"I won't Senator Biden," answered Alito. "And I am not just saying that."

Republican Leadership Wants Feeding Tube for Abramoff

WASHINGTON DC-- The GOP leadership in the House and the Senate held a rare joint press conference today to demand that a feeding tube be inserted into lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

Abramoff, a long-time lobbyist with extensive connections to Republican congressman, agreed to plead guilty to three felony counts on Tuesday. It is widely expected that he will cooperate with the Justice Department's investigation, which could implicate many Republican lawmakers.


Senator/Doctor Bill Frist (R-TN) with Representative Dennis Hastert (R-IL)

"This case is symbolic of the GOP's continued concern for the protection of human life," said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (R-Illinois). "Our opponents are using Mr. Abramoff to continue their strategy of eroding our cherished American values."

Senate majority leader Bill Frist (R-Tennessee) also spoke. "Some critics may say that this step is unnecessary. But as a physician, I can tell you that when I examined Mr. Abramoff on CNN last night, he looked pallid and quite possibly malnourished."

"The most prudent course of action in this circumstance is to sedate Mr. Abramoff, induce a medical coma, and insert the feeding tube."

When asked how long Mr. Abramoff should remain in this state, Frist replied, "about a year."


Abramoff: Pallid, malnourished

Speaker Hastert added that Representative Tom Delay, who is closely associated with Abramoff, was "prepared to keep a bedside vigil with Abramoff throughout his ordeal."

Over Half of Most Statistics Reported in News are Inaccurate

NEW YORK-- According to a recent research study, 76%, or nearly half, of all statistics reported in the news are reported inaccurately.

Researcher Amos L. Grimes looked at over 100,000 news stories reporting statistics and found that 125 stories accurately reported statistical data.

Despite the large number of accurate stories, Dr. Grimes was unimpressed.

"125 may seem like a lot, but it's a tiny percentage of 100,000." 100,000 is a very large number which, according to Dr. Grimes, is "substantially larger" than 125.

Grimes also says that many news accounts offer erroneous analysis of the statistics.

Many research studies examine the link between two behaviors or characteristics. According to Grimes, news accounts of these studies frequently error in concluding that there is a cause and effect relationship.

"A study may suggest, for instance, that there is a correlation between people who floss their teeth and people who have a longer life expectancy. But this does not mean that people live longer because they floss their teeth," said Grimes.

(For more on this topic, see "Floss Your Way to a Longer Life," September 2005. )


Grimes: "This is simple math that is routine for any non-American ninth grader."

Despite results he characterized as "dismal," Grimes acknowledged that there were signs of improvement.

"In 2005, we found 125 articles that accurately reported statistics. In 2003, we found zero, absolutely none."

So what accounted for the twelve-fold rise in accuracy?

"It's not a twelve fold rise," replied Grimes.

What then, accounted for the 125% rise in accuracy?

"It's not a 125% increase," said an exasperated Dr. Grimes.

"Look, when you compute the increase, you are taking the difference between the 2005 figure and the 2003 figure, and then dividing it by the 2003 figure. And since the 2003 figure was zero, the percentage can't be computed. It's not meaningful."

Grimes may downplay the results of his study as "not meaningful," but his study appears to bolster the contention that accuracy in reporting is on the rise.